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Feb. 15th, 2009


No one's here anymore...weird. :D

Tummy hurts...
I go sleep more soon after drinky chocolate beverage. :(

Not dead. Needed to be said. :)

May. 3rd, 2008

blue peanut policeman! :)

Wow...been over a year.


Not dead.

Had to say that.

It's like coming back after 100 years and everything is all modernized. Spaceship-like. (The controls are so sleek now captain....)
Today I am plugged into the net.

Food time. Must hunt for menu of menus...Tasty.

Feb. 9th, 2007


So, I decided

This journal needs to stick around. This is where the insecurities need to come to live.
I kinda like this place...old and filled with the comfort of a thousand broken memories...I know these chipped, battered walls.

But I'd like to stay in the upstairs part...I wish I could.

Somethings just keep dragging me back down here.

I hurt... everywhere. My back hurts cause I just never could find the money to go to the doctor after the car accident that put me in the ER. My teeth hurt from all the constant changing pressure in my sinuses and from whatever the fuck they are doing......from my ear drums sucking inward and causing some sort of vertigo-like state. Something is wrong with my Thyroid gland and I don't know what that means. I have no idea what is my Thyroid gland screwing me up and what is other stuff.

I can't even think straight anymore. Half the time I don't even know what's in my own head. I'm weary...
And I don't know why...I see the wrinkles creeping closer everyday...the ones that don't fade as much anymore when I stop smiling. I feel kinda like the Blazer. Like a ragged out car.

I'm selling the Blazer, unless of course Pimp My Ride or Overhaulin takes me up on my plea for help.
I thought I'd at least try one last time before I give up yet another part of a happier time.

You know, I thought I'd actually make it through this chapter safe and sound...without a scratch. I was almost out and I thought I could go into the next part ready, prepared. Finally not thrown for a loop with every scrap of dignity taken from me.
I'm coming apart at the seams and everyone knows.

I'm that little stuffed Velveteen Rabbit...I tried to squeeze under that last jagged barbed wire fence...I thought : "Everything's ok...we're all ok and we'll be home and together soon. We'll be happy and no one will ever hurt us again."
But I didn't notice the fence snag me...and now I'm unraveling....
And I've still got so much further to crawl home...
If I ever make it.

I've failed. And now, everyone can see
Now all I have time to do is come up with a fast plan...b?

THERE was once a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning he was really splendid...
        ...For at least two hours the Boy loved him...
...and in the excitement of looking at all the new presents the Velveteen Rabbit was forgotten...

    ...He was naturally shy, and being only made of velveteen, some of the more expensive toys quite snubbed him...
..The Rabbit could not claim to be a model of anything, for he didn't know that real rabbits existed...
          ...Between them all the poor little Rabbit was made to feel himself very insignificant and commonplace, and the only person who was kind to him at all was the Skin Horse....

I miss my Tony...
And my family and friends and being happy...

Jan. 12th, 2007


So foreign...

I don't really like LJ anymore...
Guess it was going to happen someday...
Everyone left and whatnot so whatever.
I go too...at least...

Oct. 3rd, 2006


Blah blah blah

You know what? I bet there are a lot of people that think I'm a loser.

But I'll tell you what. I don't care.
I've got an awesome life and I'm happy for a change.

My boy is the best ever...snuggly and sweet...I don't think I can see living without him anymore. It just feels right falling asleep next to someone again. It feels right because it's him. I feel like we're part of eachother, seriously.  I know he's my one...
I can't wait til he gets home...
I'm so stoned...lol

Mushrooms tonight, hopefully. All will be well regardless.
I need more weed.

Yes, I found out, mushrooms, most definitely. Hehehehehehe

I have to go seriously now...

Sep. 11th, 2006


I have an awesome boyfriend!

I've been feeling a tad bit under the weather lately and haven't been up to doing much. which I know isn't the most pleasant for my sweetie.
But he is so patient and loving, hehehe.

He brought me roses today when he came home from work, the kind that are pale, pale pink petals with brighter pink tips. :D
I snapped a pic of them all arranged in a big beer mug that I borrowed from Chris' roomie. I really need to get some pics off my phone and put on here...but for some reason I can't get my phone to send them to my email.

::sigh:: my back is hurting still. I think I need to go drink some water and lie down for a bit. 

Can't wait til my sweetie is done with the recording session...I don't even know if I am feeling up to going to Montgomery tonight.  I wish I didn't feel so drained. Argh...
I guess I just miss how warm he is all curled up next to me in bed, and his sweet blue eyes looking into mine :)

Anyway, time to go rest...I sleepy

Sep. 10th, 2006



As you guys could tell I haven't been updating lately...I am so busy or tired that I just don't have time. But it's ok cause I seemingly have found time right now...but this is boring.

I want to go in the basement and play the theremin...but I don't know if anyone is home that I might annoy. I need to play...erg. Hehehe. If I can figure that thing out I think it would be neat.

I took some awesome pics of my baby at the show at Workplay
I should be able to get my hands on them and put them in my myspace pics. ::sigh:: I'm so lazy...

I got to go, I need a drinky, a ciggie, and to lay down. My back is killing me...

Aug. 12th, 2006


I love lamp...

Wow...I'm stoned.

I meant to say, "I love lappie."
I don't even know how I am typing right now and I was supposed to say something profound and meaningful.....

I remember!

I lost the password for my Andie040682 AIM account. 


My new (actually old, I've had it for 7 years) AIM screen name is:


Write it down, memorize it. Better yet! Add me to your buddylist people. I've also lost access to a lot of the screen names I had for everyone. So I can't remember exactly every screen name...since most are spelled weird or substitute letters for other stuff...anyway.



And yet again...


I said it.

Now time to go play in the real world. OR sleep...if I can.

Jul. 3rd, 2006

teefies hehe

Well... I told you I wasn't dead.

I keep trying to tap the touchy pad thing on Chris' mac...lol I don't think I could get used to such a tiny little computer with no tap sensitive touchy pad. Or maybe not.  I guess it's not so bad.
I don't feel like a midget hehe.

I'm in Birmingham right now, sitting in the middle of my boyfriend's big bed and I have been having such a great time. Let me recall all the wonderful things so far:

(Not so wonderful= work. ) I stabbed a knife into my right hand while trying to cut some stubborn tape and one of my coworkers was trying to talk to me. Yeah. Embarassing. It bled from 9:30am to almost 3pm.  I went into mild shock and my lips turned blue.  I had intended on giving blood later that day but was told that I lost more than one person should in one day and shouldn't try for fear of death. lol... I went to the ER but they kept me waiting soooo long before they would even let me back and I was worried...so worried that I had called Chris and my mom from work because of how bad it initially was.
I just remember watching it go in and me throwing the knife down and promptly yelling "Fuck!" multiple times.  Then I grabbed my hand and tried to apply pressure, which failed because I was bleeding out around my thumb and my hand got all slippery...
Then I tried to use my shirt to wrap around it. That didn't help either cause the shirt was acting like a wick and soaking up all the blood...which was still bubbling up out of my hand.
My boss saw what happened and we went into the RSA tower (where I had been working on the generators they had out there) to find help. No luck but he did find some gauze and alcohol wipes. LOL They didn't help too much but we managed to bandage up my hand a little and used my bandana to tie around it all. That helped a little and the bleeding slowed down but was far from stopping.
I tried to go back to work (I really needed the money) but I realized that the fat was oozing out of the gash and that it started swelling up like crazy so I made calls and made arrangements to leave.
I picked up my mom, we went to the ER and had it stitched up. (The whole ordeal was terrible, I don't wanna go into details)
3 stitches, a huge fight between me and mom, and a bottle of painpills later, (I had a busy day)  I'm riding around with Kristi (I had gone to the mall out of boredom and loneliness) high as hell and I'm waiting on Chris to get into town.
He insisted that he come pick me up rather than me drive up here. Hehehe...what a sweetie.

Well, we were in the process of getting some green and we headed back to the house (after I picked up my car from the mall) and Chris was already there when I got there. :) It was niiicce hehe.  We smoked a couple bowls and then headed to B'ham.
I'm sure I dozed off a bit on the way up.  But since we got here it's been so relaxing and for some odd reason I slept tons the first day.
Chris has been taking care of me and feeding me yummies hehehe. I can't wait til this coming weekend so I can do the same for him...::purrrrr::
We even went on Saturday to get matching cell phones and he added me to his plan so we can call eachother for free.  And not to mention it saves a shitload of money compared to what I was paying for prepaid.
I think he's spoling me...which is both good and bad hehehe. I'm not gonna complain...just spoil him right back.

Saturday we ran errands (I mentioned the cell phones) and then we went to Walmart and junk. We ordered a pizza, came home, showered and smoked some green and got ready for the show that Chris' band was playing at the Nick that night. The pizza was yummy and Jesse Payne played an awesome show. (We also had gotten there at 8pm so they could set up their equipment. And he bought me a white russian, which was damn good. I don't remember if I have ever had one before though. ) Later at the show, I had a couple beers. Drinking's not really my thing though. Especially not with the meds for my hand. I'll stick with green thank you.

It's just so nice experiencing domestic life with someone again...especially since I've fallen so hard for him like I have. Even grocery shopping was awesome. :) We got cereal and we got meat to make hamburgers. (We grilled out last night.)
Yesterday he had to work from like 11am-2pm and I slept in...it was sooo comfy. After he got home we got to be lazy :) At some point we wandered out to the grocery store and got food.
To be honest I have been a little out of it and sleepy this whole weekend. I just know I've been having a blast lol.
And this morning after I got out of bed for the second time (hehe) I ate some fruity pebbles and packed a bowl to smoke with Chris' roomie.

Well, I'm going to go check Facebook and Myspace to see what's up, then I'm going to make a hamburger and smoke the little bit of green I have left. Hehe.

Bye bye journal land!

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